Wednesday , 17 October 2018
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Cannon Fodder: Gunners dine on Ham

Hello Goons!!! I hadn’t planned on posting after the West Ham game but how could any gooner not want to exult in the victory, eh? What a game? A thorough job. They knelt and the blade came clean…. a goal apart, clean enough.

The post will have to be a short one as I plan on making the most of a rare two-day weekend that has befallen us and I plan on starting right off the bat. On to business…


One word:


That should suffice. But I’ll extrapolate on his pure awesomeness for a few more paras just for the hell of it. The German was pumped, and when he is pumped, Lukas ceases to be a mere player, he turns into something more: a terrifying force of primal Viking fury raining destruction and misery on the opposition with that thunderbastard of a left foot!
Their goal came off a scuffle, right after a set-piece when their No.10 was left unmarked and he smartly smashed it home right past Scz who probably had no clue, due to the dozen or so player in his line of sight.

I like to think that their celebration annoyed Lukas or maybe it was a fly in his eye or the colour of their boots…. whatever it was, the inner Poldi pressed that big red button inside his skull. You know the one, inside a glass case marked “DO NOT PRESS UNLESS REALLY REALLY MAD”. A few minutes later, a neat pass from Jack set up the German who decided to show the Hamsters (oh, I mean Hammers…Hammers) how it was done… He controlled the ball, steadied his body and unleashed a shot with all the brutal crushing power of Mjollnir itself. I maintain that the ball blurred and vanished into the net and I’m even more certain that Jussi J. is secretly pleased that he didn’t get a hand onto it. It would have probably been decapitated from the sheer fury of that strike. I’m told that the shot fizzed into the net at an insane 106kph!!

From then on, it was total and utter domination as the red and white warriors started teaching the opposition lessons on intricate passing and How to slice a defensive line to little ribbons. There were more than a few close calls where I felt Giroud got close but missed the cookie. But he seemed in great touch so it was only a matter of time before he put it in the back of the net.

The game goes to prove that there is “quality” in the team, a few more players would be welcome but this side is more than capable of propelling the club to a top 4 finish. BUT the players perform only when the mood takes them, most of the time they seem dull, almost enthusiastic and bored to be there. And Poldi is the human personification of the above statement. When riled up, he brings all the rage and crap-in-your-pants destruction of a tidal wave hell bent of desecrating all that the opposition holds sacred but on most other days, he can be as furious as puddle water. Some needs to motivate him and get him pumped up before EVERY game if not the majority of games; a team psychologist perhaps? Or just someone to annoy the hell out him before the start of the game to send his Germanic blood into a boil and unleash that famous Poldi-rage?

Ramsey had a great game as well. He operated in a central position, lined up to be one part of a double pivot (at least on paper), but as the game progressed , he turned into so much more with his clean passing and smart ball-distribution. He may never develop the creative versatility or the ability to play in a range of positions across the park ala Mata or Santi but he’s a fire-cracker when deployed in the centre, that much is clear to one and all. Aaron seems to have come a full circle, going from promising to tragically injured to depressingly lost and back to the superb midfielder. Whether Arsene’s little experiment of playing him on the wings helped his development I cannot say; but I do hope that he plays only in the centre from here on.

Much has been made of Jack being handed the captain’s armband for a part of the game after the Verminator came off. Social media, hacks and fans  have been excitedly whispering about how he’ll be starting as captain for the upcoming FA cup match. I for am against this. Wait, hear me out before you consider sharpening your knives and loading your shotguns!!!
Wilshere has future captain written all over him, his midfield presence, his affection toward the club, his connection toward the fans, talent and a zest to perform well and win every game, that outstrips any other player currently in the squad, but He IS YOUNG. Yes, yes I know Adams and Cesc were handed the armband at around the same age but Adams was probably born with Titanium balls as big as coconuts and Fabregas was mentored by Henry before stepping up to the plate. And Cesc still crumbled in spite of all that.
Moreover, levels of mentally maturity vary from individual to individual and Jack is still a child at heart. There is no denying this. His angry outbursts and altercations are proof of this. He is undoubtedly passionate and a fierce character who doesn’t hesitate to take the bull by the horns rather than roll-over and play dead; but why burden a child with the responsibilities of an adult?
He should be allowed to wear his heart on his sleeves and play his natural game until he grows into that mantle of greatness that he is destined for. Self-restraint and leadership will come over time, but for now, let him be!
Would you try to make a SEVEN year old sit through a ‘sex-ed’ seminar?
Think about it!!

Also consider the fact that more than a few egos might be wounded by handing the armband to one of the youngest members of the team. Injured egos lead to smouldering ill-will which never bodes anything good. That CANNOT be good for the team spirit and the cohesion that any successful until demands.So allowing Mert to the third choice captain seems a prudent decision. I’ll be interested to know what you think. Drop a line in the comments section.

Th upcoming game is against Brighton & Hove Albion FC in the FA cup. I’ll freely admit my ignorace about the club, but what’s imprtant is that the men in red and white aren’t outdone by their own complacency. It happened in the League cup, and embarssment and much ridicule ensued; It cannot be allowed to happen again. I am certain both Wenger and Bould would be preaching along the same lines. The team we face maybe from a lower division but other teams have proved that a resilient defensive line and a bit of luck can go a long way in stopping any team, even one whihc boasts the fire power of Arsenal’s line up.

That’s all folks!!! Stay Gooneristic and drop a line….

About Varun Chand

Full time nothing doer and part-time Engineer (supposedly). I really hate the Arsenal and that's why I spend so much of time writing/talking/discussing/debating about them. I enjoy mocking YOU because it's fun.

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