Monday , 20 November 2017
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Cannon Fodder: A Bullet through the Skull

Hello lads! I doff of my hat to the ladies. I’m afraid this will have to be a short one. The reason behind that is rather simple: I’m in the middle of a mega-hangover. You know what I’m talking about. The one that feels like a trigger happy gun nut went on a jolly romp inside your skull. Now multiply that hundredfold and you’ll get the sort of pain I’m currently in. You know they say that the best cure for a hang-over is to start drinking again, A couple of buddies of mine and myself decided to take that statement to heart and that resulted in seven (yeah 7!) consecutive days of guzzling everything that possessed even a tiny concentration of alcohol, right from Absinthe (bad, bad idea) to a myriad varieties of beer accompanied by enough food to feed a small town. On the up-side all that carousing made me forget the sub-zero temperatures of that metropollutant (not a typo) tundra that is Delhi. Right, I am exaggerating about that sub-zero part but that Yeti I bumped into just a few days ago seemed pretty darn comfortable….
Just when I though that this excruciating self-inflicted pain couldn’t get any worse I switched on the idiot-box to watch the game against City. Evidently I was wrong. If I believed that some sort of divine entity was watching my every move, I would have said that he decided to crank up that pain-o-meter to smite my ass because as Wenger and his boys conspired to turn that cannon onto their own collective heads and light that fuse. I’m not sure what words to use to describe that game but “debilitating implosion” comes pretty close. I can’t bear to recount the events of that game, but I will because following Arsenal has turned me into some kind of masochist, grinning in the face of such misery, so take a deep breath and plod on:
Firstly, both red cards were deserved. End of discussion. Feel the urge to debate? Pick up the footie rule book, read and then run your mouths. Fair warning: Conspiracy theory mongers will be shot. Survivors will be water boarded, locked in an Iron Maiden for a few hours and then shot again.
Kos has been sidelined for much of this season and many a fan (self included) has been rather unhappy about that, but I’m not sure if that brain-fart of gargantuan proportions vilify justifies Wenger’s decision or justifies it. Is his abysmal performance due to a lack of games or is he consistently poor in the training ground which leaves Wenger no option but to drop him? There’s plenty of anger and frustration but where should it be directed?

Wilshere: Make way… B***H!!!! (Image borrowed from www.zimbio.com)

All hail Jack! If anybody dares ask me why, I’ll most certainly pummel him. Every gooner had a moist eye as Jack walked off that pitch looking forlorn. He was the ONLY man in red and white who even tried to rise to the occasion. The rest of the team just sank into a sort of depressed state of acceptance like a bunch of catatonic lambs heading right to the butchers axe with no more than a bleat and a fart.
Diaby? I saw him walk onto the pitch but I honestly have no idea what happened afterward. I noticed him only after that match had ended. I’m not insinuating that he had a bad game, merely that I’m so attuned to Diaby and Disappointment (notice the alliteration) going hand in hand that I barely acknowledged his existence or his contribution any more.  My brain seemed to have decided to blot him out which means that every time the rest of you saw a Diaby on screen, my brain just erased the footage from my eye and moved onto the next frame just like an Indian censor board dealing with any scene wherein an impossibly flushed Jessica Biel *insert any hottie of choice* prepares to orally assault an equally impossibly six-packed Bradley Cooper *insert dude of choice* in English movies in a hopeful effort that pre-teens wont find out about the birds and the bees “How is that working for you, chaps?”. Or maybe all these black-outs is just a side –effect of that mega-b***h of a hangover.

It is worth noting that Diaby started ahead of Coq and Ramsey in the midfield in spite of his rather sudden return to fitness. What I wouldn’t give to take a tour into Wenger’s mind and comprehend how he views the world, the transfer market, his players and the club?!!

Lastly, one more incident that occurred in the stadium but off the pitch:
As most of you know, much hullaballoo was created when the Citizens refused to fill their quota of tickets and chose to return the same to Arsenal. This was followed by the unfurling a particular banner by a MCFC fan which received plenty of media coverage and featured on every major footie website. What transpired a few seconds later was conveniently forgotten by journalist as they were too busy salivating at yet another opportunity to tear open the two Frenchmen and their bad decisions.
What I inferred from this was two-fold:

  1. While I sympathize with fans who are being forced out of stadia by exorbitant ticket prices, buying a ticket and then protesting about it is truly stupid. In today’s world of instant-gratification and the “ME-ME-ME-ME mania”, collectivism has been all but forgotten.
    Only if you reduce the demand to zero will you force a change in prices. If you kowtow to avaricious money-minded madmen and overpaid footballers, you will witness no change. Kapiche?
  2. The article I referenced above mentioned that the fan was threatened with a night in the cell and a quick exit from the ground for something that can be described as a perfectly peaceful protest with a banner which sported nothing inflammatory or offensive to either club. That being said, I freely confess that I’m unfamiliar with the rules and regulations regarding banners in stadia, but I don’t see why the fan had to be subjected to such threats. This is NOT acceptable scenario. This little incident will soon be forgotten but it is indicative of a far deeper malice, namely the totalitarian way in which the club is being run on the whims and fancies of a powerful few.

I hate to end the post on a disturbing note, but that’s the way things are at Arsenal. Not as happy and dandy that certain delusional fans will have you believe. But that doesn’t mean you lose faith! Stay Arsenalistic! Until next time…

 

A man once said that ‘comments and feedback are the life blood of blogging’. I agree with him and so should you! Do drop a line in the comments section below.

 

About Varun Chand

Profile photo of Varun Chand
Full time nothing doer and part-time Engineer (supposedly). I really hate the Arsenal and that's why I spend so much of time writing/talking/discussing/debating about them. I enjoy mocking YOU because it's fun.

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